This post is intended for male
readers only. Female readers, feel free to stop reading here.
So boys, consider this a heads up
for the time when your better half is expecting. Pregnancy is a minefield. All
the hormones flooding her body turns your wife into an emotional wreck and her
moods swing more times than a pendulum in a grandfather clock.
You would think that everything
is going fine and then one innocuous comment and BOOM.. everything blows up in
your face. Like I said, a minefield. But each husband has to navigate the
minefield on his own. The positions and triggers of the mines might vary from
wife to wife. What I am jotting down here are just templates based on which you
may try to develop your navigation strategy.
1. Cravings:
This is an inseparable part of pregnancy. You can never predict what she would
crave and at what time. Old Malayalam movies have led us to believe that a
pregnant woman would crave raw mangoes or tamarind. Let me tell you at least in
my case, that is basically bollocks. So don’t go stocking up on raw mangoes
once you get a positive pregnancy test. You are more likely to be hit with a
“Ben & Jerry’s Rocky Road Ice cream” craving at 12 in the night like Preity
Zinta has in “Salaam Namaste”. There are basically 3 ways to deal with such
demands.
a.
The Absentee Husband: Make it clear from the get
go that she need not expect anything from you. Basically as if you were not
there at all. I would not recommend this option at all as this would lead to
escalation of emotional states which you want to avoid during the pregnancy. If
you are opting for the absentee husband route, make sure you are actually an
absentee husband, like if you are geographically separated during the duration
of the pregnancy. Otherwise, try this at your own risk
b.
The Tautologist: In logic, tautology is a
formula which is true in every possible interpretation. This approach would
involve saying “Yes” to all her demands, however outlandish or inconvenient
they may be. This will keep you in the good books of your wife and prevent any
emotional outbursts (atleast on this count). But the risk in running this approach
is the ever escalating expectation threshold. With each outlandish demand you
meet, chances are that the next one is even more outlandish. So be aware and
know what is set to come your way when you want to be the Tautologist.
c.
The Middle Pather: This is an approach that
requires a certain finesse. Your married life prior to the pregnancy should
serve as your guide while walking the middle path. In this approach, you
basically say yes to her cravings as long as they are doable without much
inconvenience. This way, you stock some ammunition for the time when an
inconvenient demand comes through. For e.g, you might just be thinking of
putting your feet up and relaxing for a bit after a hectic day and a heavy
dinner when she might suddenly want to have some ghee laddoos. That’s when you
tell her no and to the inevitable complaint that you never meet her demands,
you list down all the times you have said yes. Handled correctly, it will keep
emotions from acting out and you would have expertly diffused a dangerous
landmine.
2. Temper
Tantrums: With the hormone world cup going on in her body, she is bound to lose
her temper at times. What you need to do is to ride it out without you losing
your own. I admit I have been unsuccessful at it during the initial stages but
after a couple of shout-a-thons, I learned how to control myself. The key is
not not to lose your temper but not to lose it in front of her. Two lost
tempers would resonate like sound waves and produce a whole that is more than sum
of its parts. Listen to her with a smile on your face, offer some words of
consolation, go to the other room, punch a hole in the wall and return to her
with the same smile on your face. Your fists might hurt but believe me, that is
a far better option than engaging in a shouting match. You not only aggravate
the mother but it also affects the child in the womb.
3. Sting
in the tail: Finally the baby arrives and you breathe a sigh of relief. But
beware of the nasty sting in the tail called antenatal depression. With the
baby out of her body and the hormones still going hammer and tongs, some bouts
of depression are bound to happen. Whether it be regarding her self-image,
ability to take care of the baby or just control of day to day happenings,
anything might throw her off. Your role to play at that time is of a
cheerleader, agony aunt and a best friend. Reassure her that there is nothing
wrong with her and the changes happening in her body are just temporary. Reiterate
that nothing that is happening will ever change the way you feel towards her.
Support her at times when she feels helpless and cheer her up when she is at
the verge of tears.
The pregnancy is a roller coaster
ride for the woman involved. Some part of the unpredictability, anxiety and
frustration gets passed on to the husband too. How smooth the 9 months or so
are depends on how you are equipped to handle the unexpected. With the above
mentioned tips, I hope you are better off than starting from scratch. Whichever
way you handle it, just make sure to be there for your better half come what
may, because what you see in front of you is just the start of a journey that
will change your life forever.
